Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
