This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Apparently you make a good broom.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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