I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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