dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
