If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
