I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
