u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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