I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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