I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize