Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
