i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
