There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
