Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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