Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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