Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
