3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
