pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
