I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i was born a porn star she said
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
