Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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