You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
