mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You took a bar mat shot.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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