Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
In America we eat man semen.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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