Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
