my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
