I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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