I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
