East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
