I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
