When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
