Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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