I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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