my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
