Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
