Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
