my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
