Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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