He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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