jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
