he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
