Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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