would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
