'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
