Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
