why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
