i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
