I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
