My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
