Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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