I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
