I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
