id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
