I cannot find my penis.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
