she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
