he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
