oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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