remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
