The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
