I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
