Just fell off a train. Bad.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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