So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
