Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
