I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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