So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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