Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
