So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
