Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize