you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
