I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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