I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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