you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
