Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
