there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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