would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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