I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize