she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
