HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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