he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
