no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
