I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
