gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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