Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
