Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
