Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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