I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
