we have pet lesbian snakes
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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