Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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