the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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