If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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