I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
