What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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