I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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