Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
