Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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