Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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