A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
