just tell him i said nine months
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
