Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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