3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
