I accidentally burped into my bong.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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