Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
