It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
foreskin is a definite game changer
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
