I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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