I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
