please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
