Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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