Do you still have your period?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
